How I Turned $0 into $87 Million From Trading Cryptos In 2021

Since March 2020, the financial markets have witnessed huge spikes in natural demand as a result of the global pandemic lockdowns. During this time, my cryptocurrency investments have rewarded me with over $87 million in pure profits. A huge milestone, to say the least!

In this article, I’m going to be providing you with a few simple steps so you can see a similar portfolio growth. These methods are super easy and require no experience at all.

1. Heavily Invest into Worthless Food Tokens

Why would you eat KFC when you can just buy the digitized token? With DeFi taking over the world, everyone needs to get involved in some way. There are roughly 8.9 thousand Food Tokens on the market, and while each of them has its own unique features (different names, logo), they all share one common decentralized aspect, they can be worth millions!

Think about it. Food is more of a “need” than money is, therefore food tokens will have the most value in all of crypto. The banks don’t want you to know this, but with fixed supplies, a fully anonymous team, and halvings every few days, these food tokens compete with even King Bitcoin.

Sushi, Hotdog, Yam, Cereal, Burger, Carrot, Pizza, and Bread coin are just a few amazing cryptocurrencies, with lots of utility. They have a chance of overthrowing the Federal Reserve, so keep a close eye on them.

Eating isn’t that important. Making money is. After I replaced my entire diet with the purchases of food tokens, I quickly started seeing my portfolio, and hunger increase rapidly. No regrets.

2. Strictly Listen to Moon Boy Youtubers

Logic? Fundamentals? Analysis? Realistic Views? Who needs that nonsense.

Crypto YouTubers who have been constantly promoting fully legal Ponzi Schemes and sharing Amazing Crypto Predictions are what saved me.

Moon Boy Carl is my favorite! In April 2021, he told his viewers that Bitcoin would soon be worth $969,696 and advised us to use x50 leverage to buy in.

Luckily, I accidentally shorted it and made millions, but I will still give him the credit for helping motivate me to make the trade. He’s awesome!

3. Only Trade When You’re Very Emotional

After falling down the side of a volcano that I was climbing after hearing it was rumored to have rare Bitcoin miners stored inside its lava, I broke my leg.

During my time in the hospital, I was in deep pain, agony, and fear. I had a flight out of El Salvador later that day that I was definitely going to miss.

With only a few dollars in my bank account, I knew I needed some more fiat if I wanted to purchase a plane ticket and return back home when my leg was completely healed. I decided to open my Binance trading app and begin scalping with high leverage.

Despite my emotional state, I managed to scrape up a profit of $4.32, which is about 4 days of wage in this country, and enough to buy a plane ticket. This is scientific evidence that trading whilst emotional is essential.

4. Buy Whatever The Celebrities are Shilling

Who’s your financial advisor? Probably some nerd working at the bank.

My advisor is Paris Hilton. She’s the one who convinced me to put my entire net worth into Bitcoin at its very peak. Her sparkling red laser eyes were ever so convincing, and I didn’t even need to think twice.

If you want to succeed in crypto, you need to blindly listen to whatever the celebrities are promoting. Trust me, they are reputable and smart. The chances they’re being paid to promote a coin is so low.

Mark Cuban has talked a lot about some really interesting coins (unlimited supply, anonymous devs, no utility) that I’m looking forward to investing in later. He’s known for picking out good companies on Shark Tank, so I’m sure he’s done so much research into whatever crypto he finds.

5. Call anything you don’t want to be true “FUD”

Truth is perspectival. Humans only experience a tiny fraction of reality, and we are limited by the scope of our mental faculties and our senses.

Whenever you’ve encountered a news article or Twitter post that goes against your investment, simply scream about how it’s “FUD,” and “Fake News!” — There’s no argument more credible than that.

6. Put all of your funds into Crypto Staking Schemes

Crypto is the most trusted system in the world. With those greedy bankers always playing dirty tricks, all of the ethical people in the world have moved to crypto and birthed some of the most innovative platforms.

Just last week, I invested most of my money into a platform called “CumDildo,” which promised 581,891% APY, which is insane!

There is no bank in the entire world that will provide you with these high returns. And unlike banks, there are no insurances, or regulations to ensure they don’t exit scam. But, the entire point of crypto is to trust the middle man, so I will do just that. CumDildo to the moon!

Disclaimer:

The entirety of this article is a joke. Please don’t follow any of the tips above, unless you want to end up financially and morally bankrupt. I hope this gave you a good laugh, as it did for me when writing it.

This is essentially a list of things not to do when in crypto. While it may be common sense to some, it’s sadly not for the majority of newcomers.

Have a nice day! Thanks for reading!HighlightShare

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